Poem – Bridgette Elena Escobedo

I used to wear this purity ring that was gold with a cross right on top of it until I lost it
But a few months ago I found it and immediately was reminded that I wouldn’t be able to wear it ever again
I  was reminded that I didn’t lost my purity ring because I knew exactly who stole my purity
A ring of guilt and shame is what I am constantly running in and no matter how hard I try I can’t ever get it out
No matter how loud I screamed “please stop, no, stop” all he heard was cheers saying “try harder, don’t stop, keep going”
Now that’s why I’m left praying
“Lord forgive me for my sin
Forgive for my sin that I did not choose to commit”
But I still have the devil on my shoulder saying
I should’ve tried harder, it’s my fault, I was asking for it
But no no no
No should be enough
And Asking for it should be literally asking for it
My friends tell me I could still wear another purity ring and wait
But that’s not the point
The point is that I was wearing a ring that I thought said I could make the decision
And its been made clear that decision wasn’t mine to make but it was his
Anyway how I could I wear another purity ring
A new ring that wouldn’t just leave a green stain around my finger but also leave the word liar resonating in my head
Because we both know I’m no longer pure
So instead I’m left with this story that will forever follow me down the aisle as I tell the man of my dreams
I’m sorry I can’t be pure for you
I’m sorry that when we finally make love for a split second I’ll see him
I’ll see him pushing me on to the bed instead of seeing true love and patience
I’m sorry I tell the man of dreams
I’m sorry I locked up heart with the very chains he should be locked up in
I’m sorry I’m still apologizing
But it’s because when he “apologized” he said “I’m sorry but you looked and acted like you wanted it”
So instead I’m left with this story
And my one story will not be shadowed with one and every three women have been raped
I am not some statistic
Because not all mattresses are the same and neither are the stains left behind from a rape story
And I may have lost my purity ring but I have no lost my voice
And if you listen to this one story about a lost ring maybe you won’t have to hear another

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